Wow I had been battling this cancer for 1 year now. And I had 2 celebration with my friends. "WHAT??? Celebration?? r u nut???" my friend say. Well at least I m still breathing and writing here isn't it a good news?
Lately I sleep more and more than usual. My doc say it is normal coz at this stage (5th dosage) many of the body cell is killed and u will feel tired. I did tell him that once a week I will sleep for whole day long, only wake up for meal when I feel pain in my stomach (something almost near to gastric). And my sleeping record.. 2 days I sleep for 40++ hours, wake up time is only 4 hours for my lunch and dinner (45 min - 1 hour 30min), then go back sleep again.
Now I m at my 6th oral chemo, and next visit my doc say "We will see what is the next step later". His nurse told me in private, some patient might need to take until 9th dosage. I really feel so disappointed. I cannot take it anymore and hardly fight until 6th dosage, now someone told me, it might go till 9th dosage...
I told my mom yesterday, I really cannot cope with this medicine anymore. It make me so weak. Can I stop it? Of course my mom don't allow.
What cancer took away from me
1) Before nose sinus surgery, I m very fit. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. From a fit man I become a fat man
2) After completed my whole chemo and radio therapy, I started to play badminton and become from a lousy player to a good player in 5 weeks. Then doc say I still have liver cancer. I lost all my energy and have to give up badminton
3) My job, the last thing I have to give up.
4) My cancer fighting spirit???
I gonna finish my 6th dosage in 7 more days. I will upload the total of medicine I take in next post and don't be surprised.
Yesterday I watch "Letter to God" hope to inspire myself thru someone story, but it didn't help much. The kid didn't make it. His mom last word to him was "It is ok to let go (the life and go back to God)". At the end of the movie, there is a few survivor with their short story. But still a lot out there can't make it. I hope they will make a movie out of the survivor story to inspired all the other patients out there (not just cancer only).
Lets spend 5 min here praying for all the patients out there
God I m not sure if you exist or not, please help to protect the sick people, don't let them suffer so much. If you want them to survive, please heal them fast. Otherwise if you wish them to go back to you, please do it fast as it is doesn't feel good to suffer so long down here.
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Lai, You have fought till 6 chemos - you have fought for one whole year; and you may not know it, but you have given hope to several other patients like yourself through this blog.
Now is the time for the cancer fighting spirit to grow stronger. Dont allow it to loosen after all the hard work. Just imagine - your one success story will inspire countless others!
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