29/Nov/2009 - Days after 6th chemo - the Finale

On my 3rd chemo I have some banana after breakfast. And I don't feel so tired after
On my 4th and 5th chemo, it is really torturing
On my 6th chemo, I take some banana after breakfast. Surprisingly I don't feel so tired like 4th and 5th chemo.

26/Nov - Feel extremely ok
27-29/Nov - Feel tired, sleeping most of the time
30/Nov - My first radiotherapy session

To my shock, I heard a more and more story on nose cancer patient who die during chemo process. I always thought nose cancer can be "easily" cured.

16/Nov/2009 - Confession of pains

A friend told me, she feel much better after she read my blog, at least I m still writing. But she told me I only wrote those good things here. I admit.

I might had mislead people that cancer fighting is easy? Illness fighting will never be easy.

Pain #01- Chemo session is a bit painful on the skin when the chemo going into the veins. Just a bit pain
Pain #02- After few chemo session, I cannot feel my finger anymore. It feel so numb
Pain #03- I m taking Dexalone steroid. It caused rashes and pimple all over the face and body, and now with pus inside the pimple, ouch...
Pain #04- From 3rd Chemo, I feel pain on my left chest (which I think its more to heart pain). The pain is gone now
Pain #05- Pain over the knee as Dexalone consume a lot of calcium from the bone.
Pain #06- After chemo, pain on the back bone (vertebrate), and my femur bone
Pain #07- Ear pain, nag nag & nag from Mom and other people

I always take nose cancer lightly, until recently I heard from friend and other patient, some nose cancer patient cannot make it thru. They pass away after few chemo treatment. I feel lucky and blessed that I m still blogging here.

I had finished my 6th cehmo (hopefully the last chemo session for me). Next week I m going to have my first radiotherapy session.

15/Nov/2009 - Days after 5th chemo - ZZ..zz....

On the night before 5th chemo, I did tell some friends that I m worries, feeling uneasy, but don't know what is the reason...

5/Nov-Chemo day, receive a few sms from IBM ex-colleague
6/Nov-12/Nov - Seem like sleep never been enough for me, I been sleeping since the chemo day. Sleep @ 10pm or 11pm. Body is weak, mind is weak, almost breakdown. Everyday spend my time playing monopoly against pc

I asked the doc what is the possibilities of me to redo chemo again after radiotherapy. He cannot give me any answer yet as it is still early. I feel like been running on a marathon, and almost near to the finishing line... suddenly they told me oops you need to run another round. As you know when approaching to the end, the body and spirit is tired and weak, and if I will need to run another round... I think I just have to give up.

Like what the doc say, dun think so much, lets play by the ear...

01/Nov/2009 - Hospitalized

I can't recall when this happen. I remember it was a hot day. I was waiting for train at KTM station, and I pass out. When I wake up, I already in operation theater. I saw some doctor and nurses, then I pass out again. When I wake up again, I was in a smokey place, there is an old man. He greeted me "Hello young man, how r u doing?". I reply "I m doing good here as always, thanks". He asked "Do you know where are u?". I reply "Some hospital?". "No..." he reply. "You are in heaven now, u are dead". I m thinking this old man must be fu*kin kidding with me. Old man say "No, I m not kidding, its real". Gosh he can read my mind? Who is him? He reply "I m the God". I m speechless.

I m too young to die and have too any thing that I haven't do yet. Only if I got ore time... Th God reply, "I'll give you a 2nd chance to go back and finished what you wanted to do under 2 condition"

1) You only have 24 hours
2) You cannot appear as your self, as everyone know u r dead. U will appear as a hen.

Well that is the only chances for me to go back to earth, I have to agree... KAZOOOM....

I open my eyes, I m in a chicken hut now, many hen here and there is a cock. The cock come and talk o me, "I never seen u before, u must be new here. Let me explain u the rules here. U must lay 3 eggs everyday before u can walk out from this hut". Holly shit... how can I do that? I told my breath and start to push hard.... pop, 1 eggs come out. Phew then I try push hard again, pop another eggs come out.

Suddenly someone hit my head so hard, I open my eyes. I saw my mom. I was so happy. My mom yell at me "What! You think its funny to shit on ur bed at 32 yrs old!!!!"

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This blog been so dull and boring, let me spice up your day with my story
When I started this blog, 90% of my friend thought I m joking, now you know why.
I m just too naughty. Happy Halloween...

31/Oct/2009 - Days after 4th chemo - RING RING RING

U must be thinking this "Ring Ring Ring?? I thought ur phone been pick pocketed..."

Doc say i m progressing well, and he ask why I still working?? My mom again combo attack me with the doc. She said I been going out every weekend to meet friend. Doc face turn black. He say "I thought I asked you to rest, why you still going out?". I feel like being shoot by machine gun (both doc & mom). He asked me to reduce the steroid from 3 tablet daily to 2 and stop completely on Tuesday onward.
Doc issue me a MC for 6 day, from Thu - Tue

15/Oct - my 4th chemo without classical song... been awake for the boRING 2-3 hours session. Come back and sleep. Veri TiRING. Dunno why both hand and leg feel pain (just a bit uncomfortable feel).
16/Oct - Wow, I sleep even more. Really tired. Pain still there.
17/Oct - Sat, usually I will online, but its been a tiring day. Sleep like pig
18/Oct - Sun, usually I will online (again??), but its been another tiring day. Sleep like pig (twice).
19/Oct - Working day. What??? I thought ur MC is till Tue?... What a record... I sleep @ 10pm! Tired, just walk slowly.
20/Oct - New record again... I sleep @ 11pm!
21/Oct - Day without steroid... what do u think? Its dead man walking. Pain still there.
22/Oct - Just another tiring and pain day
23/Oct - Ehem... I m back... got 70% my energy back.
24/Oct - Sat, I m sleeping @ home.. what a miracle...
25/Oct - Sun, I m sleeping @ home again???(God must be answering my mom prayers)

Well, days after 4th chemo is really suffeRING, every step I take is slow and pain. I keep telling myself, no pain will be forever, it will be gone soon, 1 fine day. I just walk slowly and wait for the day to come

I got chemo again next week @5/Nov. 5 of 6 chemo.

ps: Are you still wondeRING why I put RING,RING,RING? Nah, you should be smart enough to figure it out

14/Oct/2009 - Bad luck, does it exist?

Well 2009 is a bad luck year for me? Does bad luck exist? Or thing just don't happen like what you want to be, that why you called it as bad luck? Lets see what happen to me this 2009 year

April
bad - Admitted to hospital for 1st sinus surgery (Damai Service Hospital)
good - received a lot of sms from friends

May
bad - Resigned from my current job and rejected an job offer. Make me jobless for 6 weeks. This is called stupidity
good - a few friend helped me to forward my CV without need to be asked for it.

June
bad - Admitted again to hospital for 2nd sinus surgery (Gleneagle Intan Hospital)
good - received a lot of sms from friends

July
bad - Certified as cancer patient by doctor
good - got new vision in life. Know what I want more in life
- received a lot of gift from friend and ex-colleague

Sep
bad - 1 of my front tire and rim got stolen from train station (KTM)
good - prove to myself "I still can do it" (and change the tire by myself)

Oct
bad- My handphone got pick-pocketed inside train (KTM)
good - My mom will be happy. She know I will stay at home more after this.

Is it bad luck? Or unwanted things just happen every month! Nah no such thing as bad luck. Only things don't happen like how I want it to be... that is life, just be ready to face the unexpected, and it will add more spices to our life (mine maybe too spicy - it happened every month)

06/Oct/2009 - Days after 3rd chemo

I took my 3rd chemo last Thu (24/Sep). I went with my sis and mom. This time, doc and my mom combo attack me (yeah they lecture me again - ask me to resign from my work - gosh!!). Well a good news, doc say I m progressing very well, my blood count is perfect.

Something bad that I heard from other patient that make my high spirit break down (once again). Another nose cancer patient who had done 6 chemo session + 20 radiotherapy and doc already confirm he is cancer free, but doc advise him to do a few more round of CHEMO again....???? Just to make sure the cancer cell is totally gone. I never thought of having to redo chemo again after recovered...

Past few blog, I did mention about blood coming out from my nose, doc confirm that is dead cancer cell, and no worries it is good.

25/Sep - Can eat & sleep well. I even went to my cousin wedding buffet dinner.
26/Sep - I sleep for 3 times today. Never felt this tired before. Whole body is aching. Chest pain, hand pain, nose pain, everywhere is pain...
27/Sep - I had to cancel 1 appointment today. I sleep for 3 hours from 1pm - 4pm. Gosh. I m getting weak?
01/Oct - I m back.. I got my energy back
05/Oct - I went for a light jogging.. feel so good sweating a bit, with the chilling wind around me.