01/Nov/2009 - Hospitalized

I can't recall when this happen. I remember it was a hot day. I was waiting for train at KTM station, and I pass out. When I wake up, I already in operation theater. I saw some doctor and nurses, then I pass out again. When I wake up again, I was in a smokey place, there is an old man. He greeted me "Hello young man, how r u doing?". I reply "I m doing good here as always, thanks". He asked "Do you know where are u?". I reply "Some hospital?". "No..." he reply. "You are in heaven now, u are dead". I m thinking this old man must be fu*kin kidding with me. Old man say "No, I m not kidding, its real". Gosh he can read my mind? Who is him? He reply "I m the God". I m speechless.

I m too young to die and have too any thing that I haven't do yet. Only if I got ore time... Th God reply, "I'll give you a 2nd chance to go back and finished what you wanted to do under 2 condition"

1) You only have 24 hours
2) You cannot appear as your self, as everyone know u r dead. U will appear as a hen.

Well that is the only chances for me to go back to earth, I have to agree... KAZOOOM....

I open my eyes, I m in a chicken hut now, many hen here and there is a cock. The cock come and talk o me, "I never seen u before, u must be new here. Let me explain u the rules here. U must lay 3 eggs everyday before u can walk out from this hut". Holly shit... how can I do that? I told my breath and start to push hard.... pop, 1 eggs come out. Phew then I try push hard again, pop another eggs come out.

Suddenly someone hit my head so hard, I open my eyes. I saw my mom. I was so happy. My mom yell at me "What! You think its funny to shit on ur bed at 32 yrs old!!!!"

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This blog been so dull and boring, let me spice up your day with my story
When I started this blog, 90% of my friend thought I m joking, now you know why.
I m just too naughty. Happy Halloween...

31/Oct/2009 - Days after 4th chemo - RING RING RING

U must be thinking this "Ring Ring Ring?? I thought ur phone been pick pocketed..."

Doc say i m progressing well, and he ask why I still working?? My mom again combo attack me with the doc. She said I been going out every weekend to meet friend. Doc face turn black. He say "I thought I asked you to rest, why you still going out?". I feel like being shoot by machine gun (both doc & mom). He asked me to reduce the steroid from 3 tablet daily to 2 and stop completely on Tuesday onward.
Doc issue me a MC for 6 day, from Thu - Tue

15/Oct - my 4th chemo without classical song... been awake for the boRING 2-3 hours session. Come back and sleep. Veri TiRING. Dunno why both hand and leg feel pain (just a bit uncomfortable feel).
16/Oct - Wow, I sleep even more. Really tired. Pain still there.
17/Oct - Sat, usually I will online, but its been a tiring day. Sleep like pig
18/Oct - Sun, usually I will online (again??), but its been another tiring day. Sleep like pig (twice).
19/Oct - Working day. What??? I thought ur MC is till Tue?... What a record... I sleep @ 10pm! Tired, just walk slowly.
20/Oct - New record again... I sleep @ 11pm!
21/Oct - Day without steroid... what do u think? Its dead man walking. Pain still there.
22/Oct - Just another tiring and pain day
23/Oct - Ehem... I m back... got 70% my energy back.
24/Oct - Sat, I m sleeping @ home.. what a miracle...
25/Oct - Sun, I m sleeping @ home again???(God must be answering my mom prayers)

Well, days after 4th chemo is really suffeRING, every step I take is slow and pain. I keep telling myself, no pain will be forever, it will be gone soon, 1 fine day. I just walk slowly and wait for the day to come

I got chemo again next week @5/Nov. 5 of 6 chemo.

ps: Are you still wondeRING why I put RING,RING,RING? Nah, you should be smart enough to figure it out

14/Oct/2009 - Bad luck, does it exist?

Well 2009 is a bad luck year for me? Does bad luck exist? Or thing just don't happen like what you want to be, that why you called it as bad luck? Lets see what happen to me this 2009 year

April
bad - Admitted to hospital for 1st sinus surgery (Damai Service Hospital)
good - received a lot of sms from friends

May
bad - Resigned from my current job and rejected an job offer. Make me jobless for 6 weeks. This is called stupidity
good - a few friend helped me to forward my CV without need to be asked for it.

June
bad - Admitted again to hospital for 2nd sinus surgery (Gleneagle Intan Hospital)
good - received a lot of sms from friends

July
bad - Certified as cancer patient by doctor
good - got new vision in life. Know what I want more in life
- received a lot of gift from friend and ex-colleague

Sep
bad - 1 of my front tire and rim got stolen from train station (KTM)
good - prove to myself "I still can do it" (and change the tire by myself)

Oct
bad- My handphone got pick-pocketed inside train (KTM)
good - My mom will be happy. She know I will stay at home more after this.

Is it bad luck? Or unwanted things just happen every month! Nah no such thing as bad luck. Only things don't happen like how I want it to be... that is life, just be ready to face the unexpected, and it will add more spices to our life (mine maybe too spicy - it happened every month)

06/Oct/2009 - Days after 3rd chemo

I took my 3rd chemo last Thu (24/Sep). I went with my sis and mom. This time, doc and my mom combo attack me (yeah they lecture me again - ask me to resign from my work - gosh!!). Well a good news, doc say I m progressing very well, my blood count is perfect.

Something bad that I heard from other patient that make my high spirit break down (once again). Another nose cancer patient who had done 6 chemo session + 20 radiotherapy and doc already confirm he is cancer free, but doc advise him to do a few more round of CHEMO again....???? Just to make sure the cancer cell is totally gone. I never thought of having to redo chemo again after recovered...

Past few blog, I did mention about blood coming out from my nose, doc confirm that is dead cancer cell, and no worries it is good.

25/Sep - Can eat & sleep well. I even went to my cousin wedding buffet dinner.
26/Sep - I sleep for 3 times today. Never felt this tired before. Whole body is aching. Chest pain, hand pain, nose pain, everywhere is pain...
27/Sep - I had to cancel 1 appointment today. I sleep for 3 hours from 1pm - 4pm. Gosh. I m getting weak?
01/Oct - I m back.. I got my energy back
05/Oct - I went for a light jogging.. feel so good sweating a bit, with the chilling wind around me.

10/Sep/2009 - A Blessing in Disguise

Well, I just taken my 2nd chemo last Thu, and I still not really fully recovered yet, due to my little experiment of starving the cancer.

While walking back from the train station, I notice that 1 of my car tire and its rim is stolen. Gosh! I m dead tired and now... I have think of 3 options

1) There is a same car nearby. People steal from me, I steal from other people (this is a BAD thought, never try this EVER!!)
2) Call my mechanic ask for help
3) Call my dad, leave the car there.

In less than 30 seconds, I make up my mind. I m weak (mentally and physically), I m using cancer and chemo as excuse for me NOT to replace it with spare tire.

I roll up my sleeve, and start to jack the car bit by bit. Chemo make my knee really weak, I need to stand up again and again for a relief. Jack the car slowly like tortoise, bit by bit really slow.

Soon the jacking is done, and I replace the tire and release the jack.

At first it is really torturing, but as when I keep on jacking and jacking I have forgotten the pain and tiredness (yeah having fun jacking here). First step is always the hardest, but when you keep on moving and forget the pains, you will find some joy along the way.

I m happy today, a thief had taught me a most valuable lesson in my life. don't let cancer be excuse for me for NOT doing anything. Same to you out there, when you have problem, solve it slowly, soon you will find the solution (joy).

Chris Gardner (or Will Smith) used to say this before:

Christopher Gardner: Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you... You can't do something. Not even me. All right?
Christopher: All right.
Christopher Gardner: You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.

Finally.. God please bless the thief, thing happen for a reason. I hope he don't spend the money on drug for stealing from a cancer patient.

04/Sep/2009 - Days after my 2nd chemo

When I see my doc for my 2nd chemo, he asked how am I doing. I told him I m good, very good, as I don't feel so tired and have a good appetite. Doc say it is because of the steroid he given to me (Dexalone). 2 tablets for 3 times a day - it can make u feel like superman! Gosh.. my confidence got shaken instantly.. I feel energetic because of the steroid?? Doc asked me to cut down to 1 tablet for 3 times a day. I feel the impact on my body.

Btw after the doc do some basic checkup on me, he say my condition is good, and this is the first time I see smile on his face.

Yesterday after my 2nd chemo, my mom boiled the lotus root soup again
I have 2 piece of big pork lunch and another 2 piece of pork for dinner

My "experiment" seem working, as I don't feel so tired today.

03/Sep- Don't feel tired. Have 2 piece of big pork lunch and another 2 piece of pork for dinner
04/Sep- Try to cut down meat consumption. Have 1 piece of big pork lunch and another 1 piece of pork for dinner
05/Sep- Try on new experiment. Little bit of pork for lunch. My body was shaking whole day long. I sleep 3 times during day time, really exhausted. I consume back 2 pieces meat for my dinner
06/Sep- My last day to restore all my energy before start to work tomorrow.
07/Sep- I started to reduce my meat consumption from today onward. I took little bit of chili padi during lunch. Nose bleeding a bit at 4pm
08/Sep- I took little bit curry during lunch. Nose full of mucus
09/Sep- Take normal lunch, no more chili or curry. Nose still full of mucus
10/Sep- Take normal lunch, no more chili or curry. Nose bleed a bit.

What am I doin here, having so much fun with cancer...
Actually I wanna know what diet does the cancer like, what what it doesn't
When my nose full of mucus, this mean cancer is hungry, it attack my sinus to create mucus (food for cancer). As when I start to starve myself with lesser meat, I lost energy, cancer also lost energy and started to have a lot of mucus. So I will just have to clear off the mucus regularly.

Know your enemy well, to win the battle. I m starving together with my cancer now, good time for Chemo to do their job. Hope I don't get into wrong strategy and get myself killed! I will keep on doing experiment on myself. Its fun to fool around with my cancer.

02/Sep/2009 - The day being Bald, Bold and Stupid!

Well after being bald since 27/Aug/2009, I still shamelessly (well nothing to be shame of) go out to meet my friends

28/Aug/2009 (Fri) - Went to Genting Casino for the first time in my life
29/Aug/2009 (Sat) - Meeting friend for afternoon session and night session
30/Aug/2009 (Sun) - Meeting friend for morning session
31/Aug/2009 (Mon) - Meeting friend for night session

I m flat and exhausted... I just realized that its stupid to rush and meet so many people before my 2nd chemo. I used a wrong strategy in this battle, because I m too over confident in this (someone slap me please!!!). I promised myself I will play this cancer games right and smart, as my life is my bet.

Now I m worried if I m in good condition for tomorrow chemo
Just finished watching "The bucket list", now planning for my own Bucket List

Good stuff I learned from The Bucket List
1) Have you found joy in your life?
- Nope, I always tend to find more & more joy. Joy never be enough
2) Has your life brought joy to others?
- Yeah, ask my friends :-)