25/Aug/2009 - The cheque

Last week 19/Aug/2009 I have a dinner with my ex-colleague from IBM. To my surprised, they had secretly collected some money to help out my cancer treatment.

I been staring the cheque since 19/Aug/2009 till 24/Aug/2009 (yesterday). I take a picture of it and finally bank it in tonight.

Why I do I stare at the cheque every night? The reason is simple, I got more satisfactory looking at the collection of kindness and blessing I got from my ex-colleague, even some of them even not close to me.

24/Aug/2009 - Hair is falling

Today when I comb my hair, I notice quite a lot of hair started to fall. Instead of waiting it to fall on my floor, I decided to go barber shop and cut it really short.

25/Aug/2009 - more hair fall
26/Aug/2009 - more and more hair fall
I estimated by 29/Aug/2009, I will be completely bald
27/Aug/2009 - finally I get rid of my hair falling problem. Just shave it.

How do I feel?
(my reply before shaving my head)
Hmm, no idea because I never take that as my main priority, as long as I don't need to sweep all my falling hair, well I left most of it (90%) at the barber shop.

(my reply after shaving my head)
First time when I feel my bald head, it make me feel like touching a new born baby head, so soft. Ok friends, feel free to touch my head and get the feel, first time its free, sub-sequence it will cost you a meal :P

My priority is only my protein and calcium level, be prepare for my upcoming 2nd chemo session

18/Aug/2009 - Doc is your best friend

A lot of people try to make fortune from cancer patient by selling them a lot of expensive alternative medication. 12 years ago my mom was a cancer patient. And she tried a lot of those alternative craps (medication).

Today I myself as a cancer patient, I started to look at it differently. Those people try to make money from your hopeless cancer. No doubt the medicine might work on someone, but that doesn't means it suitable for every cancer patient. Who gonna bear the responsibility if something bad happen?

I trust my doctor, and I only will take all prescription by him, because he told me before as long as I listen to him, I can be cured. And he is a certified doctor who study hard to earn the title, not like those salesman outside, making money from the hopeless cancer patient.

So my cancer comrade, please reconsider if you are thinking for alternative medication, remember those who sell it to you, will not be there when u REALLY need them, but the doctor is the one who will beside you when u REALLY need one.

14/Aug/2009 - Days after 1st Chemo

When my friend ask how am I doing, I only reply
"I m good, everyday is getting better".

This is how I mean by that

Mon - Chemo session, don't really feel anything
Tue - Extremely tired, almost want to apply MC, but still goto work
Wed - Still tired
Thu - Just tired
Fri - I m back alive!!!

Now the secret behind. My mom boiled Lotus Root soup with 3 BIG pieces of non-fat pork. I ate everything clean on Thu night, tada when I woke up on Fri I feel just like normal, no more tired

Now I understand what my doctor mean by take a lot (REALLY a lot) of high protein food for fast recovery.

I will try the same diet on 02/Sep night (my 2nd chemo), and I will become the test subject now.

10/Aug/2009 - My 1st Chemo Therapy

IMPORTANT: Please don't ever tell other cancer patient that Chemo is very torturous treatment. Different chemo will react differently to other people. You will make them worried more.

At first, I prepared for the worst of the worst pain in the world when I started to take the chemo. Surprisingly, it is not so terrible

I only feel tired and always feel very hungry. Because Chemo tend to kill all good and bad cell. Doctor advised me to get high protein diet to keep my blood count up.

I m very lucky because I m covered by insurance, and having a good job. I cannot fight like those real cancer fighter, who need to do chemo in the morning and work in the afternoon. I cannot imagine all the suffering that they take, make them a real fighter.

Suffering will shape our will stronger than diamond
Suffering also will shape our will fragile like a glass
We always have 2 choice, to be diamond or to be glass

Now I m waiting for my 2nd chemo, on 02/Sep/2009

07/Aug/2009 - The Vacation

Today is Friday, I m heading to Perhentian Island for my company team building.

WHAT!!!!???

yeah, even I m having my 1st chemo therapy on coming Monday, I wont sit down there and get myself worried. The vacation make me (almost) forgotten I m having cancer in my body. I went snorkeling , jungle trekking, got sun burn and tanned like others, I think some of my colleague don't realized that I can be (so) sick.

But when coming back to KL I started to worried. Happy time is over...
Good that my whole body is tired, I can have a good night sleep till next day, my first chemo therapy

05/Aug/2009 - What worst can happen after this

I, my sister and my brother in law went to see the doctor. Doctor say my cancer cell is spreading like fire, from my nose to my liver. My sister & bro in law face turn pale. Me..? I m laughing there. I say "wow it spread like fire"

Doctor spend 60 min non-chargeable to give me a lecture, of letting other people to care about me. I have been caring for so much people, and now its the time for them to care me back. (Do I need it)

My sister already informed my family. I plan to publish this blog today, not to show off, just an inspiration to other people who think they lost hope. My health might be bad (really bad indeed, like what doc say to me), but my spirit is sky high.