17/Aug/2010 - 6th Oral chemo

This is the hardest stage of my life. My body is totally unpredictable now. sometimes I sleep 40++ hours in 2 days. Sometimes I sleep 4 hours in 2 days. Sometimes very tired, sometimes hyperactive.

Finally I make it thru the final oral chemo medicine. But I never feel good about it. I gonna see my doc on 17/Aug. But before that, I called a few friend to have a last good meal session.

This is all the medicines I had for oral chemo


17/Aug/2010 - Visit to hospital
Today I go see my doc. He said my liver is not as swollen as before. I complain about back pain. He ordered me to go for x-ray scan. He still give me new medicine for 1 month. This medicine is a lighter (Monster Inc) compare to the previous medicine (Godzilla).

When I come back from hospital, I rest for a while, then goto local clinic for a ultra sound scan for liver. The doc got surprised when he saw my liver. He say what is this? It doesn't look like a liver at all??? I told him that now I m battling liver cancer. The doc say this is a "cannonball effect". There are too many holes in my liver, like being blast by a lots of cannonball. He told me better ask my cancer doc about my bones as this kind of situation, it can easily spread to bone. Now I know why I have back pain.

The hospital back bone scan result will be our tomorrow. I still don't feel good on that and be prepared to promote myself to bone cancer patient.

I had been drinking Kefir, a traditional drink origin from Tibet. My mom brew this from Tibetan mushroom called Kefir. You only need filtered water, sugar and Kefir. It can be ready in 4 days. Once there is a legend for this. Other site documented that this Kefir manage to reduce the tumor size. This Kefir is given free from patient to patient, but too bad some evil genius make business out of it and earn money from the sicken 1. Now I had to increase the volume of Kefir drink everyday. Another legend say 1 patient who doc have give up, go back and drink 6 liter a day and voila he had survived.

More info about Kefir
http://users.sa.chariot.net.au/~dna/kefirpage.html
http://www.patulong.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=53
http://www.happyherbalist.com/kefir.htm

19/Aug/2010 - The Back bone Scan Result
These 2 days I already expect for a bone cancer. Prepared myself to the worst. I called up the hospital. They say nothing serious with the back pain. It might caused by the medicine that I took. If it is too painful, just take some painkiller or do back o see the doc.

14/Jul/2010 - 1st year anniversary

Wow I had been battling this cancer for 1 year now. And I had 2 celebration with my friends. "WHAT??? Celebration?? r u nut???" my friend say. Well at least I m still breathing and writing here isn't it a good news?

Lately I sleep more and more than usual. My doc say it is normal coz at this stage (5th dosage) many of the body cell is killed and u will feel tired. I did tell him that once a week I will sleep for whole day long, only wake up for meal when I feel pain in my stomach (something almost near to gastric). And my sleeping record.. 2 days I sleep for 40++ hours, wake up time is only 4 hours for my lunch and dinner (45 min - 1 hour 30min), then go back sleep again.

Now I m at my 6th oral chemo, and next visit my doc say "We will see what is the next step later". His nurse told me in private, some patient might need to take until 9th dosage. I really feel so disappointed. I cannot take it anymore and hardly fight until 6th dosage, now someone told me, it might go till 9th dosage...

I told my mom yesterday, I really cannot cope with this medicine anymore. It make me so weak. Can I stop it? Of course my mom don't allow.

What cancer took away from me
1) Before nose sinus surgery, I m very fit. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. From a fit man I become a fat man
2) After completed my whole chemo and radio therapy, I started to play badminton and become from a lousy player to a good player in 5 weeks. Then doc say I still have liver cancer. I lost all my energy and have to give up badminton
3) My job, the last thing I have to give up.
4) My cancer fighting spirit???

I gonna finish my 6th dosage in 7 more days. I will upload the total of medicine I take in next post and don't be surprised.

Yesterday I watch "Letter to God" hope to inspire myself thru someone story, but it didn't help much. The kid didn't make it. His mom last word to him was "It is ok to let go (the life and go back to God)". At the end of the movie, there is a few survivor with their short story. But still a lot out there can't make it. I hope they will make a movie out of the survivor story to inspired all the other patients out there (not just cancer only).

Lets spend 5 min here praying for all the patients out there
God I m not sure if you exist or not, please help to protect the sick people, don't let them suffer so much. If you want them to survive, please heal them fast. Otherwise if you wish them to go back to you, please do it fast as it is doesn't feel good to suffer so long down here.

28/Jun/2010 - Lai detained by authority

Lai been caught by ISA for calling himself as White Indian in Malaysia. It is not a valid race according to Malaysia Law.

lSA: What is ur name?
Lai: Raja Lai Chin Lun
lSA: R u a King?
Lai: Nope
lSA: y u use Raja infront of ur name?
Lai: It is a very famous Indian name back in the 70-80's
lSA: Ohh is it. Ok u r suspected being connected to terrorism. Now I gonna ask u some question
Lai: What? What White Indian got to do with Terrorism? If US can have White wanna be Nigga, why not Malaysia have a Chinese wanna be Indian? R u racist?
lSA: I m here to ask u question, not to answer u.
lSA: R u a terrorist?
Lai: Nope
lSA: R u a terrorist?
Lai: Nope
lSA: R u a terrorist?
Lai: Nope, This is the 3rd times u ask me.
lSA: Just wanna double confirm.. ok
lSA: R u know terrorist (sorry for the poor English standard in gov agency, it sound like R u no terrorist)
Lai: Yes I no terrorist (I have to reply back in their standard, else they ask me 3 times again.)
lSA: So u know terrorist!!!
Lai: Yes I NO terrorist
lSA: Then u r terrorist!!!
Lai: How I can be terrorist if I no terrorist
lSA: Because u know Terrorist
Lai: Yeah, I told u already I no terrorist!!!
lSA: U know terrorist, that y u r terrorist
Lai: (this CCB try to play the 3 times games again!!!). Yes I no terrorist, and I dun wan to repeat this again

lSA: Ok r u want Malaysia?
Lai: Yes I m 1Malaysia
lSA: Why u want Malaysia?
Lai: Coz my leader say 1Malaysia!!!
lSA: So ur leader is terrorist and he want Malaysia
Lai: My leader is not terrorist and he is 1Malaysia!!
lSA: So u r terrorist!!!

15/Jun/2010- 3rd and 4th oral chemo

Still remember my car rim and tire was stolen during my 2nd chemo.

On my 3rd oral chemo, I suppose to travel to Ipoh for my sis wedding ceremony. But last minutes I call it off, coz my body is really weak cannot go for long distance travel. While my whole family goes to Ipoh I m left home alone. And I saw my car tire is flat. Well the hero (me) think, last year he can change it by his own, why not now? At the end it was a BIG mistake...

I had setup a cozy environment for myself, a stool and a fan. With everything prepared ok time to work now. I tried to loosen the nut. 1st attempt failed. 2nd attempt failed. My body is sweating and I take a rest in front of the fan and thinking. Ok time for 3rd attempt. Knowing myself if I wanna do it nothing can stop me. Arghh the nut is not moving.

Again I rest in front of the fan and think. There are 3 option available
1) Wait for my 70 yrs old dad to come back from Ipoh
2) Call my friend for help
3) The hero will fix it by himself

Well since I call myself hero, so I chosen step 3. I take an axe and a block of wood with me. I use the axe to knock against the wrench. First few knock nothing happen. Then I knock it even harder, wow it moved. I manage to loosen all nut and changed the tire. I m amazing right?

The day after, my whole body and bone aching. I sleep on the bed for a very very very long time. I still remember I had my breakfast/lunch @ 3pm. If I didn't get up and eat the meal, I might had gone case if I continue sleeping on the bed. Too exhausted. The price to pay for my own heroic pride is too high (almost cost my life). And I m all alone at home.

I m not Rambo, and not living alone in the jungle. At least 3 of my friend scold me like dog. They say just a simple call, they will come and help me to change it. I finally notice I live in a community and that is what a friend for.

ps: But if u know me well, u will know that I will not call unless it is too critical.

09/Jun/2010 - The Blessing pass on

I received a cheque donation in the past. It was a blessing money and I got blessed from it. I tried to donate this cheque out a few times, but got barred from my friend.

2 days ago, finally he fully agree for me to donate it out, coz this person need more blessing than I do. Today I top up the figure and wrote the cheque and pass the blessing to him.

Please read their story here and try to help baby Matthew.

25/May/2010 - The Result and The lesson

Last Wed conversation wif Dr - on my full body scan day (7/Apr/2010)
before scan
===========
Dr: Hi my hero, how r u feeling
me: I m good Dr.
Dr: Come, sit over there let me check on ur neck and throat
Dr: Well very good, the lump on ur neck is complete gone. The throat look good also
Dr: You can proceed to do the liver and lung scan

After scan
==========
Dr: Ur lung is clear, but there is something still left in ur liver. But this is not something new. We knew it since day 1 u were here.
Me: Dr what u plan to do
Dr: We will try to use oral chemo (medicine) to control it.
Me:(I m totally blank and speechless... just walk out from the office)


Mon conversation wif Dr - on my 1st admission to hospital for oral chemo (12/Apr/2010)
Me: Hi Dr, I need to know more abt my liver. What is the size of the infected area before chemo and after chemo
Dr: We dun realy measure the size. We will identify those area which got problem.
Me: Any diff to it before chemo and after chemo
Dr: Yes, before chemo it was in a solid form, but now it had been in liquid form.
Me: Ok, how abt my nose cancer? Anything still left?
Dr: No, ur nose cancer is completely settled.
Me: Last time you told me that u will use oral chemo (medicine) to control my liver, how long is the whole treatment till it cure?
Dr: No 1 can tell. It all depend on how ur body react to it.
Me: Any past record of shortest and longest time for treatment
Dr: There is no such patient record.
Me: How u gonna know the progress of the liver?
Dr: I know, I can feel it
Me: How u gonna feel it?
Dr: By touching it
Me: (what the fuck... magic????)
Me: Let say the liver don't react as per planned, any symptom that we can see?
Dr: No, liver is a big organ, it will functioning even 50% of it spoiled. You will only get symptom when the liver mulfunction.
Me: Seem like everything is uncertain now, no 1 can give any answer
Dr: Yes at this stage, no 1 can tell.
Me: So how should I tell my sis?
Dr: u wont tell ur sis. Ask ur sis to call me

My medicine
Oral chemo - Capecitabine
Supplement - Pyridoxine

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The Result
Nose cancer is completely cleared, and now battling liver cancer. Doc suggest to use oral chemo (medicine). Well medicine, I can swallow any pill, so it is just a small matter for me. But I forgotten 1 thing... it is called Oral CHEMO(it kill CELLS)

1st Dosage
On my 2nd day consuming the medicine, I already feel weak and requested to work from home. It did help. It save my energy used for travelling

2nd Dosage
Gosh, I got weaker and weaker, lose a lot of weight. There is 1 time I laid on the bed most of my time, my mom ask me why, I say I m very tired. My mom ask did u take sugar?? Ohh shit.. I didn't take sugar for 3 weeks. No wonder so tired

3rd Dosage
My doctor got so surprised when he see me lose weight tremendously. He weighted me, 53 kg, previously 58kg. He told me, there is 3 more dosage to go. Holly craps. I cannot take it anymore. I m really tired. I resigned from my job instantly. Luckily my boss agree to let me go as early as possible (it is less than 1 week).

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The Lesson
I have no problem taking medicine, so I hope can do it quietly. None of my family know about this and only a few close friend know. But cancer is still cancer. Never take it lightly. I mention before when the fire is small it can be handle easily, but when it turn into flame, then big shit ahead. I myself forgotten this.

I had told my family about this and today my mom cook me a whole meat meal, compare to last time whole vegetable meal. I need meat to generate blood that lost during the oral chemo.

So never hide anything from your family member.

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Side effect from the medicine
- numb at my finger
- freezing cold for 1-2 hours then sudden high fever for whole night long. It will gone next day.

I wrote this quite sometimes ago, and I hope it apply for me now
The day I have nothing,
actually I had everything
The day I start to get something
I had lost other thing
The day I have almost everything
I had left almost nothing

The day I stop chasing thing
I do some thinking and writing
The day when you are reading
You think I m bullshitting ???
The day...
Now I have nothing left, hope to get back everything for my body...

20/Apr/2010 - Give them a chance

Last weekend I was invited to join a disabled charity sales. I discovered something totally out from my expectation and must share it here with you.

Read the full story here